It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
It was a Triumph of Mediocrity In Cupertino.
I just finished working for my eighth employer since leaving NASA; one more and I get a T-shirt. This company had far and away the worst user interfaces I have ever seen. These UIs were so poor that I could fix them in my sleep. That aspect came in handy, as between being re-elected President of the Tennis Club; practicing for the Sectional Championships; studying The Bachelorette, Joe Millionaire, and Big Brother; reading books advising how to deal with difficult people, and building my Groundhog Day costume, I have not been getting a full night’s sleep at home. It is pretty ironic that a company with the worst user interfaces in the industry was located just a mouse's throw away from Apple Computer, the company that revolutionized usability in computers. I did not realize that opposites attract in this context.
Speaking of revolution, in my former company, the revolution will not be televised. The reason it will not be televised, is that despite the rhetoric from the top, change is feared. Simply put, the revolution will not happen. In America, we are proud of the fact that our country started with revolution. The rulers of many countries fear this experience. In this company consensus and conformity were valued over innovation and quality. Hence, improvement that required revolution was not possible.
Keep up appearances whatever you do. There was a charade of sharpness around the place. Lots of people. Lots of talking. Lots of silly sayings, including one of mine, on a backwards-spinning calendar. Lots of double speak. Lots of nothing happening.
Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
Warren Buffett says that if you have a “yes” person working for you, then one of you is redundant. Warren did not work at my former employer; much of the company was comprised of redundant “yes” people. Original thought was feared and discouraged. Jimmy Buffett did not work there either; no cheeseburgers or paradise to be found. In retrospect, the place was most like Vegas buffet, with the emphasis on quantity over quality and less impressive surroundings and poorer customer service than the competition.
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
Only recently did I learn that one of the reasons that there has been a parade of talented people leaving is planned obsolescence. The company hired talented people, such as myself, largely to educate the employees in the foreign home office, who worked for much less money. (Working for peanuts would actually be an increase.) Our intelligence, wisdom, and experience were sucked out of us, and then we were tossed aside like a soggy egg roll. Wasn't this in a Star Trek or Twilight Zone episode?
Another reason that the talented people were forced out of the company is that there was too big a disparity between the quality of their work and the quality of the work of the others. To increase parity, the company chopped of the top rather than trying to raise the bottom. This reminds me of the scene in Alice's Restaurant where Arlo reasons that one big pile of garbage is better than two smaller ones, and rather than raise the pile from the valley, he drops his pile off the cliff to meet it. That Arlo sure was a visionary! Presidentially speaking, a rising tide cannot lift the boats if the boats have leaks.
I like to march to my own drummer. I like to Rock the Casbah. This place was like the 3 ignorant monkeys with a shoot-the-messenger mentality. It was as if one brought one's child to the dentist and upon learning that the kid had a mouth full of cavities, one criticized the dentist for finding the cavities rather than criticizing the child for causing them. Extending the metaphor, not only were the cavities not fixed, but the habits that led to their creation were not changed either. I guess people must really like the toys that the dentist gives them and so they don't want to do anything to reduce their number of opportunities for receiving them.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
However, don’t cry for me Argentina. Grandma keeps telling me that health is the most important thing. With the rapid deterioration of my colleagues' health due to the stress of the work environment, I feared that I could not remain the picture of health for much longer. I shudder at the likely consequences. Grandma would probably refuse to keep me company on the phone while I track down my wayward socks every week. I am grateful to still have my health, my Grandma, and my socks intact. Pocahontas told me how upset it made her that hostile management practices had robbed me of some amount of liveliness and good cheer; I may have escaped just in time.
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Since I do not do well with those who lack reason and accountability, or who do not share my values of truth, justice, and the American way, working at this place was a challenge for all involved. Some people aspire to stand on the shoulders of giants. Many workers at this place were acrophobic. Again, not a good fit for me. With many colleagues telling me that I was too good for the place, I felt like Alan Shepherd sitting on top of 14000 parts all supplied by the lowest bidder. As those who know me well know, I say this out of despair and not conceit and I needed to swallow my humility to even write it.
Of course I’ll miss some of the people like BS and Dancing D and the rest of the lunch buddies. Unfortunately, BS had beaten me out the door, and Dancing D will likely soon follow. Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
As the great Chinese philosopher Lao Tsu said, "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." I am taking my step now. Rest assured that I am going to a far, far better place. A place where fellow employees are courteous, conscientious, and diligent, and believe in teamwork and cooperation. A place where individuals do not place their own interests ahead of the company's. A place where managers foster teamwork and cooperation rather than baiting people to criticize their coworkers. A place where people may be penny wise, but are certainly not pound foolish. A place where Creativity, Communication, Change, Customer, and Trustworthy are real values and beliefs rather than merely hollow slogans on a backwards-spinning calendar.
I should add that I was very impressed with the CEO, who shared my enjoyment of magic tricks, humor, and Bob Dylan. Unfortunately, much of the company did not share our work ethic and emphasis on quality. In fact, the company had half the revenue per employee of the industry average. (In what was perhaps a recognition of this statistic, the company liked to hire consultants to limit the number of employees.) Since I was repairing the work of five colleagues, productivity will decrease with my departure. As the CEO quoting Bob Dylan might say:
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
Xie xie for playing,
Adam
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