It is now safe to unlock your daughters and leftover Chinese food. I have a job.
Here are the box scores. I started my new job almost 10 years to the day from when I left NASA. This is my ninth job in 10 years. I was between jobs for seven months, which is the second longest break for me. While I know that many people have been out of work for a longer period of time, for many of them, this is their first lapse. I have been between gigs for 2.5 out of the past 10 years, putting me on a 75% duty cycle. Fortunately, I spend my time well regardless of whether I am working. While I may not always hit a Home Run, I think I may lead the league in both Hits and At Bats. And I never use a corked bat!
Whenever these frequent job changes concern me, I remind myself that I have never been replaced and that I live in a high risk world. Also, I have learned over the years that my position is like the canary in a coal mine. After I lose my job, the company ultimately follows, without fail. Even if I were half as talented as Grandma says that I am, I could not be single-handedly responsible for destroying all of these small companies or divisions within larger companies. There are clearly things beyond my control.
Many people have been asking me about my new job. As is usually the case when I find myself in a new situation, I have performance anxiety. However, I know that I will rise to the challenge, as usual. Put most simply, I listen to music (with the nice speakers that my boss gave to me), I send email, I surf the web, I make tea, I take naps, I visit the massage lady, I have lunch, and I put my feet on the furniture while reading. It's an awful lot like being at home, except it is much less stressful, and the pay is better!
The company is headquartered on Long Island. In the San Jose office, we share an office park with another renowned Long Island company, and a company that bought my last startup. My boss and two of my colleagues used to work for a company that was housed in the offices where my last startup was located. I continue to amuse myself with coincidence and synchronicity.
On my first day, my boss gave me my choice of desks. Thinking quickly, I remembered a technique that I pioneered and used to great advantage several times when I worked for Pacific Bell. I selected the desk that was not only furthest from my boss, but closest to the Ladies room.
Speaking of rest rooms, 30 years ago Archie Bunker wondered how automatic toilets knew when their users were finished. I had never seen one until I got to my new job and now I appreciate his concern as the toilet seems to finish before I do. Not the best user experience! At NASA, I was concerned with the risk of automating astronauts out of the loop. The toilet designer should have been concerned with automating the users out of the poop. Or vice versa. One might say that the toilet suffers from premature evacuation.
By the end of the first week, I determined the driveway that featured the fewest cars corrupting the speed bump slalom course. I also performed reconnaissance to learn where to park so that my car would be in shade for most of the day. After I received the keys to my cabinets, I brought in all the boxes that had been cluttering my entryway at home, and like the proverbial farmer, I too now live in a spacious palace. I look forward to shampooing my carpet, which I have not done since the day that I covered much of it with boxes on my last day with my previous employer.
The commute is one of the longest that I have had, but I entertain myself with books on tape and the scenery. Now if only I could find a decent local restaurant for lunch.
And it was the afternoons. And it was the mornings. The first week.
Galileo's head was on the block
the crime was looking up for truth.
--ES, 1992
After my first week at work, I attended Neil Young's annual Bridge School Benefit concerts, one of my favorite events and one of my favorite charities. I have supported both almost since their inceptions, and this year was no exception. One of the highlights of this year's shows was seeing David Crosby accompany the Indigo Girls on their hit, Galileo. I was pleased to see that like Letterman and myself, Crosby is still fond of lesbians and other independent thinkers, unlike my last place.
A woman recognized me at work one day, but I could not remember meeting her previously. Later in the day, she called me to say that she remembered meeting me when I played softball with her husband at NASA over 15 years previously. She said that I looked exactly the same as I did back then, but noting that she had changed since then, she understood why I did not recognize her. I guess my hair, skin, and waist must not have changed much over the years. Must be due to all of the Chinese food, tennis, anti-oxidants, and television.
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls.
--PS, 1966
By the end of the second week, I had already made some major design breakthroughs. Remembering how much my colleagues at my former company cautioned me that excellence upset the status quo, and remembering how often potential employers told me that I was overqualified, I decided to maintain a low profile and not reveal my work until the following week. Just in case. I am hoping that I have found a place where over qualification is not a fear, though, and I have no reason to suspect otherwise. Ironically, the Astronaut Office told me that I am highly qualified, but since they have not been selecting people lately, I need to keep busy elsewhere. Wish me luck. I'll keep you posted.
My boss was so impressed with my early work, that he gave me an extra few days to enjoy Thanksgiving in NY. On my flight to NY, I met some women returning from a business trip to Hawaii, and for some reason, they enjoyed taking pictures of me. When I learned that they worked for American Express, I told them how much fun I had with some American Express people when I went to Maui in 2002. "You were there too?" they wondered. "Sure," I replied, "I was the smarter half of the T & A team from the mighty Fresno branch." My NY trip was off to a great start!
One day at chez 'rents, Dad overhead me say on the phone, "How's it going, Big Guy? See any good lesbian movies lately?"
Dad: Who are you talking to?
Adam: Grandpa.
Dad: What did he say?
Adam: He said, "no, the cable is out."
Dad: You should fix his cable before you leave town.
Adam: You read my mind!
Now the years are rolling by me, they are rockin’ even me
I am older than I once was, and younger than I’ll be, that’s not unusual
--PS, 1970
While I was fixing the Grands' cable, Grandma asked me how I was doing in the stock market.
Adam: Great! I have to pay people to help me count it all.
Grandma: But you're not a trader, are you?
Adam: No Grandma. I am very loyal.
Grandma: Oh, that's good.
Much of the time I feel as if my life is one of those adventure video games where one has to run around finding all of the buried treasure and other prizes to get the big reward. In my case, people drop straight lines, and it is up to me to do something with them. I am hoping that if I achieve a high enough score, that I'll get a free game!
When I observed how upset Grandma was regarding current events, I suggested that she should watch Letterman instead of Koppel as he is a lot funnier.
Grandma: Oh I hate him.
Adam: Grandma, when did you turn on me?
Grandma: He had a child out of wedlock.
Adam: He's going to get married.
Grandma: Really.
Adam: Yes, he's been saying that all along.
Grandma: Never mind.
Until next time, gracias for playing.
© Adam Brody. All rights reserved.
Find more to read in the Table of Contents
If you liked what you read above, then please consider a donation to the The Bridge School.
I continue to enjoy receiving notes from charities saying that people gave donations in my honor.
