No Joy in Mudville

Prologue

Od yavoh shalom aleinu v'al kulam. Salam, aleinu v'al ha'olam, salam salam

Until peace comes upon us and everyone. Peace (in Arabic), for us and all the world, peace.

In late 2001, I took the opportunity of being in NY for Thanksgiving to tour Ground Zero. Ten weeks after 9/11, the place still smelled of evil and I guessed that the ashes gently floating down from the sky were the remains of victims incinerated in the attack. I imagined that the smell and falling ashes were similar to those in Holocaust death camps decades earlier. As I walked past the Trinity Church graveyard where Alexander Hamilton and other American revolutionaries were buried, it occurred to me that this was a modern Shot Heard 'Round the World.

Fast forward a few years. The ashes and evil smell are gone, but international activities indicate that the Shot is still echoing.

Lo yisa goy el goy cherev Lo yilm'du od milchama.

Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.

Early in 2005, I learned of an opportunity to join a March of the Living trip to Poland for the 60^th anniversary of the liberation of the camps, and then on to Israel. I've heard of these trips in the past, but they were typically designed for high school and college students. In honor of the 60^th anniversary, this trip was made available to older adults, and I eagerly registered. I learned that 18,000 of my closest friends from 70 countries would join me on the trip. I have not been able to name 70 countries since I played Geography as a kid, and many of the world's countries have morphed names, so I was eager to learn what they were. Also, the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines Holocaust as “The genocide of European Jews and others by the Nazis during World War II .” I wanted to learn what that meant first hand.

People were asking me for this chapter even before I left home. That is the first time that I have received requests before I wrote anything. This chapter took quite a bit of effort to write and I did not land exactly where I had expected. Loyal readers will appreciate the tremendous effort it took to tell the following tales without injecting the usual doses of humor common to many of the previous chapters. I'm known for finding humor where and when others don't as some will remember from my trip to Argentina a few years back. I did not want to be finding humor in death camps, though. In preparation, I spent weeks watching depressing movies to drain the comedy from my body the same way one uses Kosher salt to drain the blood from slaughtered animals. My studying before the trip revealed that in the camps and the Warsaw ghetto, humor was an essential stress reliever, so I figured that I could make judicious use of it to cleanse the palate. I sincerely hope that I have not insulted anyone's sensitivity, sense, or sensibility with what follows.

My two most recent trips to Israel were in honor of Jerusalem's 3000^th birthday and Israel's 50^th birthday. Milestones attract me and I noted that were it not for Jews celebrating Passover for thousands of years by remembering their liberation from Egypt over a millennium earlier, that Jews would not have outlasted the Romans and others by thousands of years to later be killed by Nazis.

Preparations

Kol ha-olam kulo gesher tzar m'od V'ha-ikar lo l'facheid k'lal

The entire world is a narrow bridge But the main thing is not to fear.

Prior to the trip, I attended two preparatory meetings to learn more about the trip and meet my travel mates. I learned that the local contingent would consist of eight women and me. The ratio reminded me of college without the calculus, but I always rise to the challenge. When the floor was opened for questions at one of the meetings, the women asked about logistical issues such as food and clothing. I had a different concern: How were the women going to decide which one got to be my roommate?

Ultimately, I realized that eight women correspond to four pairs and that my Y chromosome made me the sole representative on the other side of the mechitsa. While I am very rugged in most situations, a snoring roommate is my kryptonite, and independent test results suggest that men are more prone to snoring than women. I had less of a fear of rooming with a woman who is all hands than of rooming with a snoring dude from Des Moines so I was anxious about the possible outcome. Fortunately, I scored one of my best roommates ever. More on him later.

Considering that I was the sole owner of a Y chromosome on the Bay Area team, I wanted to make sure that I was as prepared as I could be for my adventure. I figured that I needed to do more than read to prepare for my traveling harem, so I coupled my trip to SF to pick up my tickets with a belly dancing performance by a handful of sisters. I wanted to ensure that I was fully prepared for everything. Goose likes to live vicariously through me and often says that he's “had that dream” when I describe one of my adventures to him. Since he sleeps much more than I do, I need to work over time to stay ahead of his dreams.

We also learned that we would have armed guards with us in Poland and Israel. I haven't had this many people concerned about my whereabouts and security since I visited the women's dorm in college. In retrospect, I'm not sure how I'll be able to cross the street again without their assistance.

I also spent quite a bit of time reading and watching movies to prepare for the trip. I read Night by Elie Wiesel, Edith Bruck's Who loves you like this, Liana Millu's Smoke Over Birkenau, and other fascinating books by other Survivors describing their experiences at Auschwitz, Birkenau, Treblinka, and elsewhere. I watched Jakob the Liar, Judgment at Nuremberg, and The Longest Day and re watched movies about other wars like Apocalypse Now, Born on the Fourth of July, and The Killing Fields for good measure. I watched other relevant movies like Schindler's List and The Pianist years ago.

Additionally, I saw an excellent exhibit called “The Hidden Archive of the Warsaw Ghetto” I did not know too much about the Warsaw Ghetto, so I wanted to learn a bit before I got there. All of this information was completely new to me.

I also solicited tzedakah—try to say that 3 times fast!—to give to the needy during my visit. Giving visitors to Israel money to give to the needy assures the visitor of safe passage as well as providing other benefits, and my friends were very generous with their contributions, as usual. In Poland, I gave a donation to the Auschwitz Jewish Center. In Israel, I gave money to all who asked along Ben Yehuda Street and by the Kotel.

Finally, with only a few days before my departure, I visited a mikvah. I have been wanting to go since I toured one several years ago and I thought that this would be an appropriate time. Since I am not a usual bath taker, I figured I would take an unusual bath. I was disappointed to learn there were no formal rituals for men, only for women. Leaving me to my own devices can be a risky proposition, but I cleaned myself before, during, and after my immersion and everyone got what they wanted out of the experience.

I knew that Grandma was preparing for my trip also, but I did not know the details. I often imagine that she pays locals to feed tourists to the sharks on the other side of the island when I go scuba diving. I wondered what secret powers and schemes she would use to protect me on this trip.

All we are saying,
Is give peace a chance.
--JWOL, 1969

At T-2 weeks, I saw the musical Lennon about John Lennon. The show opened and closed with space shuttle footage to the soundtrack of Imagine, which awakened the crew every day. I remembered that Ilan Ramon, the Israeli Air Force colonel who commanded the raid on the Iraqi nuclear reactor, perished on Columbia with six others. The first scene in the show features Lennon's birth during a Nazi bombing raid of England. As those who know me well know, I continue to be intrigued by synchronicity and coincidence.

There was a lot of interest in my upcoming vacation. The press started covering our trip even before we left and we knew that we would have a news crew with us in Poland. I don't usually have news crews following me, but I was intrigued by the opportunity.

Poland

Als die Nazis die Kommunisten holten, habe ich geschwiegen; ich war ja kein Kommunist. Als sie die Sozialdemokraten einsperrten, habe ich geschwiegen; ich war ja kein Sozialdemokrat. Als sie die Gewerkschafter holten, habe ich nicht protestiert; ich war ja kein Gewerkschafter. Als sie die Juden holten, habe ich nicht protestiert; ich war ja kein Jude. Als sie mich holten, gab es keinen mehr, der protestierte. --MN

When the Nazis came for the communists, I did not speak out because I was not a communist. When they came for the social democrats, I did not speak out because I was not a social democrat. When they came for the trade unionists I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist. When they came for the Jews I did not speak out because I was not a Jew; When they came for me, there was no one left to speak out.

Within hours after tasting the freedom of being liberated from a bread-of-affliction diet, I boarded a plane for ORD, where I would meet the rest of the team. While waiting at the ORD gate for the rest of my new friends to arrive, the JK Squad accosted me and proclaimed, “We want to party with you in Jerusalem!” [We definitely had some fun times together and I could tell that they enjoyed their encounters with me as they often smoked afterwards.] The trip was off to a promising start, but I experienced a minor hiccup shortly afterwards.

Just as I was about to enter the gateway, a security guard pulled me out of line and asked me if I had $10,000 cash on me. Witty replies overloaded my circuits the same way landing radar data overloaded the crew on the Apollo 11 Lunar Lander. Fortunately, as with Neil and Buzz before me, clearheadedness prevailed. I ignored the distractions and accomplished my mission. We were now off to visit some of the nastiest, vile places on Earth.

On the flight from ORD to WAW, I considered how some people complain about the trials related to air travel. The seats, the food, the noise, the consequences of heightened security measures all seem to provoke negative comments in others. Recognizing that we were on our way to visit sights of unimaginable horror, I was grateful that I had the opportunity to make the trip. I wondered what the girl in the cheerleading outfit was thinking.

To remain silent and indifferent is the greatest sin of all.
--EW

Now that we had arrived in Poland, our creep fest had begun. After landing, we were whisked off to Krakow, where we had lunch before touring our first concentration camp: Plaszow. Not too much was left of this one besides hills and a few monuments, but it was a good warm up exercise for what was to follow. We also began to get to know our traveling companions including three Bay Area Survivors.

There's something happening here,
What it is ain't exactly clear,
There's a man with a gun over there,
Telling me I got to beware.
--SS, 1966

Next, we visited the infamous Auschwitz, where, we saw the famous sign Arbeit Macht Frei. Like many who read the sign, I did not believe it. For me, it was my lack of Arbeit that gave me the Frei to join this trip. That does not flow as well as I would have liked, but I hope the point gets across. As the reader can see, the day was appropriately dreary for our visit.

The place is revolting as the reader might imagine. We saw a model of a train used to bring in prisoners, spent Zyklon B canisters, and products made with human hair, among other horrors. We began to meet Jews from around the world and got a sense of what an undertaking this March of the Living event was. We lit memorial candles by a wall where people were shot while their family members were forced to watch and we walked by gas chambers and crematoria. We also saw several torture chambers including ones for solitary confinement and another one, where four people were forced to stand and prevented from sitting. Some of us wondered why the Allies did not bomb Auschwitz and other camps, particularly since nearby targets were hit.

Auschwitz was built on the sight of a Polish military barracks and is still entirely intact. Nearby Birkenau, however, was partially disassembled by the Nazis to hide the evidence. Birkenau consisted of a giant field that is the size of many football fields in area. There are many stone barracks that are still completely intact. The wooden barracks were disassembled leaving only the chimneys remaining. No sooner had we entered the camp did Linda insist on showing us her bunk. Her eagerness reminded me of the way I used to show my parents my bunk when they visited me at summer camp. Of course, I didn't have to share my bunk with a bunch of other people and instead of describing tennis and water ski events, Linda described to us how she and the others would climb on the roof on Sundays to pick lice out of their clothes. Too creepy. Fortunately, we shared happier times also.

When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose.
--BD, 1965

We visited Treblinka next. Nazis completely disassembled Treblinka to hide the evidence, so we saw 18,000 stones—one for every city from which Jews were taken—arranged where the barracks, and other facilities were previously located. I read about some very amazing covert activities the prisoners performed here prior to the trip.

Later, we toured Warsaw and learned of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising. All of the Warsaw Jews were herded into an area of town that was too small for them. This was portrayed in the movie, The Pianist. In time, more and more people were squeezed in to less and less land. I was very intrigued by the stories of tunnels and covert activities inside the Ghetto just a short distance from Gestapo Headquarters. It was kind of like Hogan's heroes without Fraulein Helga. Heroically, the Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto held off the Nazis for longer than the French Army preserved France. I imagine that they may have been inspired by the success with which their ancestors held the Romans—then the best army of the time—at bay at Masada for two years 2000 years earlier. Tragically, the uprising was squashed. Ultimately, over 300,000 Jews were sent from here to their death.

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation,
When the winds of changes shift,
May your heart always be joyful,
And may your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
--BD, 1973

I knew that traveling with Holocaust Survivors would be priceless, but I never imagined how wonderful the experience would be. The three from the Bay Area that we had with us were delightful, wonderful, informative, and often the only ones who beat me to the bus every morning. We were all eager to tend to them and have our pictures taken with them. They were like royalty.

Helen was always eager to share her stories as she so often does in schools and elsewhere. One day at breakfast, her husband, Joe, presented me with a copy of her book, Remember the Holocaust. I was very honored not only by the gift, but that Helen preempted my autograph request with: “To Adam, who comforted us during our pilgrimage.” Priceless.

Joe was the quietest of the three, but I could tell there was something under the covers and he gave me a run for my money in the bus comic contest. Lastly, even people from other groups were eager to hear what Linda had to say. I never heard any of them complain and it is clear that their positive attitudes helped them to survive when the vast majority of others perished.

Ose shalom bimromav Hu ya-aseh shalom aleinu V'al kol Yisrael, v'imru amein.

May He who makes peace in the high places make peace for us and for all the people of Israel, and say Amen.

By this time, King and I were already getting along famously and we were taking care of each other very well. He was teaching me all kinds of cool things about Hebrew and estrogen—not necessarily in that order. I, in turn, awoke before his alarm every day and let him sleep until I was out of the shower and getting ready for breakfast. We also had a great time singing songs and taking care of the women. Lastly, the Royal Room was never late for a bus roll call.

Throughout the trip, I was intrigued with the contrast and perspective of events and images. For example, hours before I left home, I received an email of my friend's new yin/yang tattoo. Hours after I left home, I met Linda, who showed me the tattoo that she received at Auschwitz. Contrast and perspective.

Speak out, you got to speak out against the madness, You got to speak your mind, If you dare. --DC, 1968

Friday night, we went to Shabbat services at the only remaining synagogue in Warsaw. They had to provide an encore to accommodate all of the Marchers in town that night. A few of us went back the following morning and while sitting there, I thought of Grandpa Ben, who was born in Warsaw. He passed when I was very young, and one of my only remaining memories of him is of him taking me to services in the synagogue that Grandma Mollie founded. While sitting in services Saturday morning, I imagined Grandpa's Grandpa taking him here many years earlier.


I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound,
Everybody look what's going down.
--SS, 1966

Taking a break from the horrors of the camps, we engaged in a walking tour of Warsaw. Walking around Warsaw, I wondered whether we would find any monuments honoring Copernicus, the guy who put the sun back at the center of the Solar System, where it belongs. We not only found a statue of him, we also learned that Marie Curie worked in Warsaw. As one of only two people to win a Nobel Prize in each of two different fields (Physics and Chemistry), Madame Curie has inspired generations of women, including her daughter (who also won a Nobel Prize), to pursue careers in science. We also learned that Poland is the home of people with other talents.

Since I learned French in High School, I've been able to navigate around Western Europe and elsewhere without too much difficulty. The Polish language, however, was somewhat different from anything that I had seen before and featured weird accents and things flying in and out unexpectedly. Fortunately, I found some materials for which I did not need a translator's help to understand.

Living is easy with eyes closed,
Misunderstanding all you see.
--JWOL, 1967

The hotels in Poland were the only non-Israel ones I've experienced on a Jewish trip that lacked bidets. Of course, I was disappointed. Fortunately, the accommodations in Israel really made me feel at home. The floors were dirty, the towels were threadbare, the beds were unmade, and I had to bus my own dishes.

The last meal in Poland was the worst of the trip so far, and the bar was already very low, but I was enjoying sharing my table with the three Survivors as we were good friends by now. I knew that I could not comment on the quality of the food as 60 years ago, their daily caloric intake was less than 500 calories and a blade of grass would have been a luxury. I quietly awaited better food in Israel. Contrast and perspective.

And after the wars are over,
And the body count is finally filed,
I hope that The Man discovers,
What's driving the people wild,
Military madness is killing your country,
So much sadness, between you and me,
War, War, War, War, War, War.
--GN, 1971

We had a TV news crew with us most of the time in Poland and they played several segments before I returned home. News crews seem to enjoy filming me, but somehow, I never manage to see the clips. Every once in a while, someone mentions seeing me on NOVA, but I've never seen the piece myself. Additionally, the segments filmed at NASA Headquarters and Foothill College's planetarium were filmed before the Web existed, so I cannot find them. On the trip, I was filmed in front of Schindler's factory. I'll have to tell Spielberg. The Poland segments that appeared on KGO-TV are available on the web:

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/news/assignment7/051605_assign7_holocaust_one.html

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/news/assignment7/051705_assign7_holocaust_two.html

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/news/assignment7/051805_assign7_holocaust_three.html

http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/news/assignment7/052005_assign7_holocaust_four.html

Two of the clips, including the one featuring me, were shown at a reception for the Survivors before I returned home. People said I appeared intelligent and erudite, but I was not impressed with either my performance or the misspelling of my name. As my tennis buddies will confirm, I continue to be my own harshest critic. At least I did not appear like just another boob. We also had some newspaper coverage. The reception received its own coverage.

Horror grips us as we watch you die,
All we can do is echo your anguished cry and,
Stare as all you human feelings die,
We are leaving,
You don't need us,
Go and take a sister by her hand,
Lead her far from this foreign land,
Somewhere where we might laugh again.
--DC, SS, and PK, 1969

Much of what we saw up to this point was designed to prepare us for a 1.5 mile March from Auschwitz to Birkenau. To get to Auschwitz, we rode a train on the same tracks that the prisoners used decades earlier. Of course, our trip was much more comfortable and pleasant. We saw people from all over the world marching. Some of the groups surprised us more than others. We created representative grave markers that we placed on the track on the way in to Birkenau.

The last camp we visited was Majdanek. Where Treblinka was completely disassembled, Majdanek was completely intact. We walked through a gas chamber and saw not only another crematorium, but the ashes that were the only remains of the more than a quarter of a million Jews that were incinerated there. The picture does not do the sight justice. Some corpses were torn apart prior to being brought to the crematorium if the Nazis suspected there to be valuables inside. One of the creepiest thing about Majdanek was that people live with it in their backyard and kids play in the field in front of the gate.

By this time, we were getting in to the on-the-bus, off-the-bus, make photo, make shopping, mayim/sherutim, back on-the-bus rhythm of touring. At some places, we did little more than stop to take pictures. Such was the case with Korczak's orphanage.

Indeed, much of the trip required a delicate balance of the yin of hurry up and wait with the yang of wait and hurry up. Another common experience on these trips is that I tend to eat twice as much as normal and work out less than half as much as normal. Fortunately, both of the visited countries operate on the metric system, so the damage to my waistline is not as great as it would have been otherwise.

By the end of our creep fest in Poland, we were ready to cleanse the palate with a visit to Israel and we began to prepare. After a very long day of touring, we hopped on a midnight flight to Israel. After arriving at a brand new terminal early in the morning, we hit the ground running. I am repeatedly amazed how an ancient country like Israel, seems to change every few minutes.

Another effect of this trip was the tremendous amount of information that the guides presented to us. At school, we used to say that the effect was like drinking from a fire hose. On our trip, the effect was similar, only sometimes it felt as if the fire hose were filled with gasoline.

Israel

Am Yisrael chai. Od Avinu chai.

The Jewish people lives! Our Father yet lives!

Shortly after landing in Israel, we visited Caesarea, one of the few Israeli sights on this trip that I had not previously visited. The sight features Roman ruins, including a theater, where they currently show concerts. We learned how the statues were taught to stand on one leg and I was fascinated by the engineering efforts that were used to create the harbor thousands of years ago.

Several times during our travels, I noticed a number of the women on the trip describing their experiences in journals. Ever curious, I often wondered when I would score an entry in one of the Ladies Away Journals. Fortunately, several times I was informed that something I did deserved an entry.

Wooden ships on the water very free and easy,
Easy you know the way it's supposed to be,
--DC, SS, and PK, 1969

One night in Tiberias, we had a great boat ride on the Kinneret. Years earlier, I learned the Macarena here on a much larger boat. This time was more intimate and we had a great time playing drums. I've been called a good performer before, and I can't wait to show Grandma my latest award.

Joining our bus were three guys from Virginia. One of them, who happened to be a Rabbi, taught me some cool new prayers. I was amazed at how quickly they worked.

On the trip, I was eager to visit the Dead Sea again. It had been many years since I had been there and it gets smaller every time that I visit. I am always amazed how easy it is to float there. Nearby, we visited some waterfalls. As I've always been very environmentally minded, whenever possible, I like to shower with a friend to save water.

At breakfast one day in Jerusalem, Gilligan wanted to introduce me to some of the Army girls in the dining room. While I was intrigued, I told him that I felt that 18 year old girls were scary and dangerous enough without Uzis by their waists and that I should probably keep my distance. This incident reminded me of an experience in Buenos Aires when the translator invited me to join him and his buddies at Hooters as that was where all the American girls were. I told him that American women gave me enough problems back home and that I didn't need to seek them out South of the Equator.

L'shana ha'ba'ah birushalayim hab'nuyah!

Next year in a rebuilt Jerusalem!

Near the end of our trip, we had a March in Jerusalem that was more celebratory than its counterpart in Poland. We all gathered in a staging area before ultimately landing at the Western Wall. This March clearly had a much different tone.

The survivors left Israel a bit early to attend a reception in their honor. We all enjoyed meeting them and look forward to a reunion back home. The trip was now coming to a close.

Ma tovu ohalecha Ya-akov Mishk'notecha Yisrael

How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel.

On one of the last days of the trip, I wandered around the Old City solo to maintain my street cred. Most of the rest of the team spent the time shopping. Since everyone I know has too much, I figured that I had a bye in the shopping round and took the opportunity to explore. I had a great time admiring the stalls that have sold things like saffron, dates, spices, and related items for millennia. Amusingly, I discovered an Internet terminal sandwiched among the stalls and took the opportunity to check on my empire back home. The stall proprietors kept trying to usher me in to their shops to sell me their wares. I usually escaped by insisting that “I do not make good shopping.” One jeweler offered to sell me some items for my wife. When I told him that I did not have a wife, he generously offered, “would you like one?” Elsewhere, I admired a guy smoking a four foot hookah. When he saw me looking, he encouraged me to shop in his store. I told him I was just admiring his activity. He told me that it was only tobacco. I assured him that I was not judgmental.

With the trip coming to a close, several team members made plans to stay longer in Israel or go elsewhere. I was more eager to visit with family in NY than to stay in Israel so I boarded the bus early in the morning to David Ben Gurion Airport. On the flight from TLV to JFK, I was too sleepy to watch Life is Beautiful the first time it aired on the seat back in front of me. Fortunately, I already knew that this was the case and I know how much I love mine. Of course, those who know me well know that I don't need to follow Birkenau survivors to their bunks, light a memorial candle in front of a giant mound of ashes that are all that remain after the incineration of hundreds of thousands of people at Majdanek, or walk through the gas chambers at Auschwitz to come to this realization.

New York

Yes, how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, how many times can a man turn his head
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
--BD, 1962

Despite a very cryptic airline web site that hid the arrival times, and a flight departure that was 40 minutes early, my most me'tzu'uan Abba was able to thwart the security countermeasures and meet me at JFK. Sababa! No sooner had I declared to Customs that “I had an excellent time and I am looking forward to my next adventure” did I see Abba's smiling face welcoming me. Abba has enjoyed meeting my travel companions ever since I introduced him to the Santa Cruz gay men's volleyball team after a previous landing, so he was eager to meet some of the current players. Only three of the Bay Area women were on the flight with me. They told Abba that I took care of them well and wondered whether I got my sense of humor from him. Our visit was very short, as we all had places to go and we knew that we would remain close friends.

Throughout my trip, I was looking forward to the end game in NY, where I would make aliyah to Eretz Long Island to visit the Dome of the Grands and the Shrine of the 'Rents. I didn't want to experience the first year of my life without seeing the Grands, so I stayed in NY while others returned to SFO. I had lots of stories, humor, ahava, good vibes, and other anti-oxidants to share with the Grands and I hoped to provide nachas and other benefits.

While in NY, AuntieBellum and I visited the new DIA museum. While I liked some of the Andy Warhol works, much of the rest of what we saw looked like emperors sans clothes. A few days later, we visited the new MoMA. Since I was very limited on time, I barely had a chance to see a copy of The Starry Night that I have in my bedroom, some Waterlilies, and some people in apartments across the street fitting their windows for curtains now that they lost their privacy. I also had the great privilege of lunching with Auntie's Auntie, one of my most loyal literary supporters.

Continuing on my Roots tour, I took my most me'tzu'uan Ema to the Tenement Museum in Manhattan after a preparatory lunch in Chinatown. Ema told me that Grandpa Ben landed here after he arrived from Warsaw and he entered the garment industry like many of his neighbors. He later went on to name his belt company after me. Fresh off the plane from Israel, I was pressed in to service answering questions about the mezzuzot that we saw there for which the guide surprisingly lacked information. Ema knew the answer, of course, but she wanted to see her baby shine. To balance out our chakras, I suggested to Ema that we dine on deli before visiting the nearby Museum of Chinese in the Americas on a future visit.

After learning that my captain had me in the roster at #1 Doubles the following week, and realizing that I had not played at all for several weeks, Dad insisted that we play tennis at the park where he trained me many years earlier. We hit long enough to work up an appetite and ensure that I did not embarrass either of us when I played for the team. This must have done the trick as I played some of my best tennis after returning home and my Captain enjoyed learning of my trip.

Home

	Eili Eili Shelo yigameir l'olam, Hachol v'hayam rishrush shel hamayim, B'rak hashamyim t'filat ha-adam.	Eili, Eili I pray that these things shall never end. The sand and the sea, the rush of the waters, the crash of the heavens, the prayer of man.

On the drive from SFO to Club Adam, I met with two executive officers from my posse. I wanted to ensure that things went smoothly in my absence and they wanted to hear about my adventures. We briefly debriefed each other over Chinese food, and then made plans to meet the following night at the KFOG Kaboom.

Since I didn't get a full night's sleep in any of the three time zones in which I bedded in the previous three weeks, I was not sure which one applied after I returned home. Consequently, I awoke at 4am PDT and attended to 100 emails, 3 Lettermans, 2 Simpsons, and 2 South Parks. I also rescued two checks from several pounds of snail mail, unpacked a bit, and chilled some wine, all before Goose began stirring at 10.

Beginning Monday morning, it was clear that the headhunters smelled my return as they began circling like sharks around a scuba diver. I'm glad that they missed me so much and I made a lot of progress in my job search. With the job activities, hundreds of emails, and several pounds of snail mail, I had a hard time finding time to write this chapter. Also, since I usually get a lot of work done while daydreaming during meetings, and I'm not taking many meetings now, I have had even less time than usual.

Hinei ma tov uma na-im Shevet achim gam yachad.

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brothers to dwell together in unity.

Barely two weeks after returning home, I had a reunion with some of my fellow Marchers at the annual Israel in the Gardens celebration. I had not yet seen any of them since my return. Coincidentally, the final news broadcast about our trip aired that morning as I rushed to assemble photos to give to my friends. I had a great time seeing most of the harem, including two full pairs of roommates, plus half of the JK Squad. Of the remaining three, one moved to NY and the others were AWOL. We will have to travel again soon, if for no other reason than to take more great pictures.

Epilogue

So the next time that you tease me for replying “excellent” when you ask how I'm doing, the next time you make fun of me for saying my glass is 99 44/100% full, the next time you ridicule my positive attitude, the next time you yell at your partner for double faulting at match point, the next time you complain about failing to record Letterman, just think of my new octogenarian friends. Hope and positive attitude got them through worse times than any of us can imagine. People have praised my resilience, persistence, and tenacity in my job hunts and other endeavors. However, I don't know how well I would have done on fewer than 500 calories a day, sharing a small bunk without a mattress with eight others, working dawn to dusk, using the same bowl for meals and for toilet, fearing the frequent selections, and awaiting the next death march.

Now that I have this off my plate, I need to return to my top three goals: looking for a job, looking for a wife, and looking for profitable investments. Local readers will recognize which one of these is orders of magnitude more difficult than the other two and know that I have always shot for the stars. Any help would be gratefully received. Keep those calls and emails coming!

Dziekuje and todah for playing.

© Adam Brody. All rights reserved.

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Unemployment is preventing me from making charitable contributions at my usual level. I would appreciate it if you would pick up the slack and consider a donation to Yad Vahsem. Remember, I worked very hard writing this and you spent nothing to read it.

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